Break in the glass moment.

 So here we are 7 months on and the pandemic has altered people lives in both enormous and small ways. 

My experience of how the lockdown started was a bit surreal, I was sent home from work at the beginning of March and told to work from home, and from there things just seem to have escalated quickly, then things started to look a little brighter, I even made it back into work for 5 days before I was told to go and work from home again and now cases in the UK seem to be soaring once again, I've heard that colleagues have become ill with Covid some more than others. 

I like to think that there have been some positives to emerge from all of this, have we changed into a kinder more caring society? Has kindness rubbed off on people? More people (perfect strangers) seem to say hello in the street, work emails and meetings always start with something personal, and show care for the recipient or meeting attendee. There appears at least at face value to be plenty of support on offer for those who need it, we would appear to have become a more caring society. 

Still, I miss normal life. I miss going to work, my colleagues, the random conversations that only happen in the admin kitchen, I miss been able to pick up my nephews from school, I miss meeting friends after work. I miss celebrating birthdays and occasions, so many have passed by already this year with no real celebration. 

Most of all, I miss doing spontaneous things; going for a coffee, to the pub, to the coast overnight just because we feel like it. 

I hope with my entirety that this will all have been a sacrifice worth making to ensure that we can return to life as we knew it, to some kind of life as it was. Currently it feels a little like we're all just waiting for that 'break in the glass' moment. 

Until next time

Shez xx

Shielding to be paused on August 1st

A observation I have discovered during my time shielding... only other shielding people fully understand shielding people.
I've heard countless comments such as, "well, It's for your own good", "at least you won't catch it!", "you get to stay at home and don't have to go to work"

Well, here's some news... most people who are shielding would much rather be at work, would much rather be able to do their own shopping instead of burdening others with the responsibility. It's not like we're at home but we can just pop out if we feel like it! We CANNOT leave home.. Just put the shoes on and think about that for a minute, think about the effect that may have on someone's mental health.

Needless to say I was over the moon when "our Boris" announced that shielding would be paused from August the 1st in England.
That's not to say I am in any kind of rush to go anywhere in particular (except to the pub for a pint) *joking*, but knowing that that freedom of choice is now once again in my control or will be very soon, lifts an unbelievably heavy weight from my shoulders.

I've counted this morning the number of books that I have read since been told I have to shield and it's rocking in at a staggering 14!! I've thoroughly enjoyed reading every single one and find myself actually missing the characters... Hmmm what was I saying about the pub and a pint lol..

So today is our wedding anniversary... Three years ago we said "I do" infront of our family and dearest friends.. It's been a very quick three years and only feels like yesterday. But I wouldn't change Mr Tingle for the world, he's most definitely my absolute rock, and he knows when to give me the kick up the butt and motivation I need if I'm having a day when I feel like the whole world is against me. He works so hard and he truly is my world.

So what will I be doing with my new found freedom come Aug 1st ..... I will be trying to slowly build back the confidence to go a shop, to interact with other people, to hug and squeeze my family whom I have missed seeing so very much,  to feel 'normal' again, what ever 'normal' is.
Will I be taking precautions? of course I will. The virus hasn't disappeared just because shielding is paused! In fact I don't think that Covid-19 in its entirety will disappear for a very long time. 

But for now... To those of you reading this who are shielding enjoy your new found freedom albeit safely... to everyone else, stay safe, follow the new rules, they're there for a reason!

Shez xxx

Common sense and perspective!

Hi all,
I hope this blog finds you well..

So it would appear that we may have to live with Covid-19 for months to come if not years. So instead of feeling like everything is useless we need to learn to live with this fact - Covid-19 isn't going to just disappear.

I've seen and read some absolutely crazy stuff on social media of late. Such as drinking loads of hot water will somehow kill the virus, that you can catch covid-19 through food! Covid-19 is associated, like the flu, with drops of infection, but by all means but your food in the microwave if you so wish.  Also immune boosting foods such as cider vinegar, ginger etc whilst they are not going to harm you, they're not going to cure you.. they're for a stronger immunity not a cure.

I haven't been out in almost 11 weeks now. I think I must have read around 8 books and watched numerous programmes on netflix. one of which I really enjoyed called Anne with an e, a period drama about a feisty young girl fighting to fit in once she is adopted.

Trying to gain some perspective on on the whole debacle is hard. I mean I was so pleased when the government said that us who are shielding can now go for a walk but that doesn't mean it's easy just to throw on a pair of trainers and take myself off for a walk, there has been so much in the media stating how dangerous the outside world is at the moment for me that despite what the government maybe saying, it still feels too soon! And by all accounts Wales are now advising the shielded to shield until mid- Aug!

What's best for people individually is going to differ, how long it takes individual people to feel safe is going to differ. As for me, I will continue to shield until the end of June as per the current guidelines and then I will decide (using my common sense) for myself what's right for me and for my own mental health and sanity. Please don't assume by that that I mean I will be rushing off to any shops or busy places like I said I will engage my common sense, but perhaps a walk out in the open somewhere would be nice.

I'm going to leave it there for now, nothing much more to say other than stay safe, use your common sense and oh yeah wash your hands frequently - with soap - just average soap will do it's a virus after all so antibacterial won't make any difference.


Much love
Shez xx

Fear of loosing ones independence and Covid-19 musings...

Morning/afternoon/evening inmates dependant upon when you're reading this.

I'm going to be honest this whole lock down, mustn't leave my house is really starting to get to me now. I don't even know what week I'm on? end of week 7 I think or maybe it's 8. If anyone knows please do let me know.   I do suspect though that for the vulnerable group the remaining "5 weeks" will be increased further all so that "healthy" people can go on and get along with their normal daily lives again. Now I know that must sound extraordinarily selfish I mean why shouldn't healthy folk go and get on with their lives? BUT everytime I hear the news or read something it's like us vulnerable, shielding folk have been forgotten about, or that it doesn't matter that we're currently isolated and unable just to go out. Food and other things are delivered, taken inside and washed before they're put away, you can stand at your front door and have a long distance chat with family who have dropped off your essential shopping but that's where it ends. I haven't been out of the house properly for over 50 days and this strict isolation is proving to be mentally tough but you know what's harder watching members of our society who are actively choosing to go and socialise with whoever they choose... a neighbour, oh lets have a street party, or a picnic in the park or I know perform a conga!! I mean seriously! From the bottom of my heart I sincerely hope that these individuals won't be relying on our NHS over the coming weeks all because they couldn't adhere to the rules.
The vulnerable people are not just the elderly, it's everyone with a serious underlying health condition young or old, people like me who would just like to rejoin life.


I refer to  the fear of losing ones independence in the title of this blog or developing an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, at it's core I suppose I mean it's a fear of losing that ability to manage your day to day life, losing control of the emotional and social parts of your life. I've been there before when my life was on hold waiting for a transplant, no energy to leave the house, was lucky if most days I had the energy to get dressed.
Now I'm not for one minute saying that I'm back there, I'm currently healthy and can sit in my garden (although maybe not today, I think today I would perhaps wake up in Kansas or OZ.)  But the principal is the same, it's just such a big ask of anyone young or old, healthy or ill to give up that freedom and to confined themselves to doing not very much at all. And whilst none of this is anyone persons fault, the continued selfish behaviours we currently hear about are really starting to grate on me. I'm quite sure I'm not alone in those feelings either.

So aside from working (from home) what have I been up to? In truth, not much. I did sand and paint a bench in the garden which I enjoyed doing, oh and had my daily visits from Bob the street cat. I'm about to start reading my 6th book since lockdown began, this one is entitled The Beekeeper of Aleppo, I love a true story they're by far my favourite reads.

I've stopped watching the news, aside from the daily briefing, but to be honest even that is starting to get on my nerves, I mean who even are some of the people that appear on there?

I will be watching and listening intently to what Boris has to say this evening, but to be honest, I think it's going to be baby steps, it has to be!

So until there is more to say or I feel like rambling on again I'm going to say bye for now. Take care! Stay safe! Stay home! and for goodness sake just do as you're asked!

Shez xxx

When the reality of Covid-19 hits home!

So almost at the end of week 5 now, and well, nothing much has changed. Last couple of weeks have been a bit harder as its been what would normally have been the Easter Holidays from work, and as I'm not able to go into work to help out there hasn't been an awful lot for me to do. I'm hoping that I can get busy again next week (I need the distraction.)

So last week my Dads wife was taken to hospital very unwell, suffering with confusion as a result of a really high temperature.. My dad called me, heartbroken because he couldn't go with her and take care of her as a husband should. Needless to say, she was assessed, told she had in fact had Covid-19, told 'she was over the worst and sent home to rest with a course of antibiotics. 

After speaking with her today on the phone, it seemed to me that she is is still very poorly, her cough sounded awful, she was so out of breath she could hardly talk and can only manage a couple of steps at a time, I and my sister have both asked her to seek further medical advice, which I hope with all of my heart she does. It got me thinking about how I used to feel and perhaps sound pre-transplant, when my lung function was a mere 13%, when I was at my lowest ebb, and still, I don't ever remember sounding that poorly, poorly yes, but not that poorly. I mean I could be wrong (It's been known), it was after all almost 9 years ago now, but I dunno something just doesn't feel right, she is just so breathless.
That then takes me on t the considerable amount of worry I now have for my dad, who is also a very vulnerable person, and possibly the world's worst patient too (stubborn and cant see when he needs help.) He is apparently sleeping alot and I dunno I just hope he seeks advice should he feel he needs to.

I hate been in this position where I just cannot jump in my car and go check that everyone is ok. It goes against every instinct that I have!

Im going to leave you this piece of writing from my sister..

Please everyone, stay at home, stay safe, that lovely beauty spot thats more than 10 mins from your home, that you need to use your car to get to? When all is said and done, is it or would it be worth it? The parks, the walks, the beeches, they'll all still be there and better still so will you be, if you just do the right thing and stay at home.

*By my Sister*
I am not one to get involved in political debate, I never have been. But in this instance I feel the need to share my opinion.
When this all started everyone was complacent! It's just the Flu, I heard a few times!
When it ramped up (as many of us suspected) people looked to the government for a solution. People praised Boris for doing a great job. People looked at hm for answers.
Now that the death toll has reached that awful point of being over 10,000 people are starting to get angry. Why didn't the government act fast enough? Why is the NHS so stretched? Why is there a shortage of PPE? Heads need to roll! People need to take the blame! It's natural... when we're scared, insecure... we need someone to blame!
Now this isn't the first time illnesses have spread.. Spanish Flu, Ebola, the Plague etc... dating back years and years! For many years people have known how vulnerable we are to illness, how fast things can spread.
Yet people think Boris is responsible,
Every single government that's been elected. Evey primininster, every health secretary... everyone knew our NHS would, at some point, be at breaking point. Everyone knew PPE was an absolute necessity and we should have had it ready in huge supply. We have front line workers dying in the line of duty.
But before we place the blame everywhere else,,, we need to take a look at ourselves. Yes our NHS severely lacks funding! But, day in day out the health system is abused... obesity is rife because people fill their kids with junk food instead of cooking at home, mental health issues are rife because the media and social media tell our kids they need to look a certain way, Our A&E departments are crammed with people that don't need to be there!Notice how quiet they are now, so many people, all of a sudden can manage their own ailments at home.
No prime minister would envy being in Boris' position, No one can say they would have handled it differently... Why? Because we would still have a shortage of PPE, we would still have idiots that think its ok to have parties and BBQ's on the beech during lockdown!!
Collective responsibility is what is needed!!
Be the change you want to see.

Don't like the spread, use your head and stay at home!!

Take care guys!!

xxx

Please stay home. I don't want Covid -19!!

Morning, afternoon or evening inmates, depending when you're reading this... that is if you're reading it at all.

"Only when normal things are not normal anymore, do we realise how special normal things are."

Almost the end of week 3! It's definitely the small things I miss, the really silly things, the freedom to go to the shop, to go for a walk (ok, that doesn't happen often) but it's when you can't, that's when you realise just how important these little, seemingly,insignificant things are.  Being able to call round to my mums for a cup of tea and a chat which almost always ends up in us putting the world to rights!

I've heard and read some very unsettling things in the media this week. I try not to pay too much attention because, sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between real and fake news particularly on social media, but, when you read that people unlikely to survive Covid-19 won't be offered life support (or a ventilator) and are been asked to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate) that statement alone fills me with dread. That's because potentially and I stress potentially, I'd be one of those people who would fall into that category if I were to fall that seriously ill. Now I'm not silly enough to think that it's that clear cut, but to put it bluntly that's the reality..
I suppose if I really sit and think about it... no...I don't understand it, not at all. I know that I didn't get this far, to only get this far! So please when your thinking about just popping round next door, I mean it can't hurt can it? or just popping to that park, or beauty spot, or beech, I mean what harm could it do right? You are potentially taking someones chance at life away from them, that's the harm, that's the risk... Put the shoes on, imagine that someone is someone you love, someone you couldn't live without!
Equally as bad, imagine someone you love circums to this god awful virus and your not there, you can't even be there to say goodbye at their funeral (if you call it one of those, with no one there to say goodbye.) I don't think I could ever come to terms with that.

So please, just do as you're being asked to do, after all, it's gotta be easier than the alternative.

Take care, much love! xxx

When a picture really does speak a thousand words!

So here we are, end of week two of isolation. If I'm honest the days of this week have just seemed to merge into one, everyday being much the same. I did manage to sit in my garden for an hour yesterday though which was lovely. (It is very isolated and I was alone.)

The current times are incredibly tough in different ways for different people. An online friend of mine yesterday, however, opened my eyes to the fact that despite what is currently taking precedence in the news and absolutely rightly so, there are still people dealing with their own current heartbreaking situations. I'm not going to discuss the situation as it's not my story to tell, but it just goes to prove that right now despite not being able to go and see someone, people still need you, they just need to know you're still there, so pick up the phone, video call your friends and family, sometimes seeing a face is all you need.

So what have I done this week outside of my designated working hours? I've started to read a book called Malala - it's about the girl who campaigned for girls rights to education and subsequently got shot, it's a very good read so far!

I've made choc chip cookies.. mmm.. and homemade Pasties.

I also had some company from Bob our partially adopted street cat, I say partially as he comes and goes when he pleases, sometimes stays for a sleep, sometimes doesn't.

Oh and drink... I've had copious amounts of prosecco and Brandy with Baileys! (Not together or on the same night!) but it would seem that drinking on a school night doesn't really matter when you can't go to school!

OOPS!!

I'm going to leave you with this last image... When a picture really does speak a thousand words. Thank you to every single person in our NHS.

Pause and reflect.

One week of self isolation completed with many more to go... I'm not going to say staying in the house is easy by any means but I suppose when I think back to 2011 and the time directly after my transplant whilst in ICU and other hospital wards I was self isolating then, couldn't be in busy public places or use public transport, that lasted around 3 months too so I'm figuring I've got this!

I've missed the hussle and bussle of school life this week, my colleagues and just the general feeling of being a part of something.

But throughout the week whilst working from home I've taken moments in my day to just stop, pause and reflect.

The sun is still shining, the birds are still singing, and there's hope, there's always hope.

If you are self isolating for whatever reason then keep going, it's difficult but you've got this. Use this opportunity to do other things that you wouldn't ordinarily have the time to do, read the book, listen to the music, learn to play the instrument that's been sat in your room for almost a decade, untouched because you simply don't have the time.

Pen a letter to a friend, forget emails and other technology, go back to old fashioned pen and paper.


The above is how I'm using my time when not completing work tasks.

Stay safe, and above all listen to the advice from the government and medical professionals, because like it or not, they kinda know what they're talking about.


"Dum spiro spero" - Whilst I breathe I hope.

My own thoughts on Covid-19

I used the word Covid-19, because in all honesty I'm tired of hearing the words Coronavirus, or should I say I'm tired of hearing all the 'media hype.' That's not to say I don't think the current epidemic is serious, but more that I prefer to listen to the science not the media.

I keep hearing conversations or seeing comments about how people don't think hand washing will make a difference, or how it doesn't matter if people gather in crowds, comments such as 'well, if I get it big deal, it's only a virus, it's only a flu!'

WRONG!

To be fair for the majority of people in the UK if and when they do get Covid-19 it will be quite undramatic and they will recover relatively quickly and unscathed. However, that then brings me to think of the small minority I think it's roughly 5% of the population in the UK for whom that simple, unscathed scenario won't be the case.

I am part of the small 5%, my mum is part of the small 5%.

This was me in August 2011, recovering from a Double Lung Transplant. A second chance at life, the ultimate gift!
ICU or the Intensive Care Unit is not anywhere I would wish anyone to be and is certainly not somewhere I wish to be again any time soon. But you see, this is potentially and I must stress the word potentially where members of the small 5% minority could end up amid this virus outbreak.

So please if I decline an invitation in the very near future, don't take it the wrong way, if you visit me and I insist you wash / sanitise your hands, please don't take offence, if you're full of cold (albeit just a common cold), please keep a safe distance from me... I'm not being ignorant, I'm not being silly or OTT, my immune system simply cannot handle it like yours would.

I won't be partaking in the mass hysteria of panic buying or stockpiling- it's unnecessary! I will be, however, taking small but necessary measures to protect myself. If any of my work colleagues are reading this I would like to thank you for your support and understanding.

So here are my three pieces of advice (which guess what, mirror the advice of the scientists, and our NHS whom I trust wholeheartedly..

1) Wash your hands with soap and water... (I'd question anyone who doesn't already do this, but perhaps for now, do it a little more often.

2) Avoid over crowed, public spaces and where possible public transport.

3) If you do develop a temperature, or a dry unproductive cough then say home until your symptoms subside.